[Today’s newsletter is
Part One in a three-part series entitled “Men Approaching Women”]
Approaching Women:
The Simple Event That Changed My Life
It was a
perfectly normal Saturday afternoon. I
was going to visit my girlfriend later in the day, but until then it was time
to run the usual slate of typical, mundane errands.
Even though I
was in a relationship at the time, I had learned from my research on men and
women that ‘style’ was important—so I had some nice jeans and a button down
shirt on. My belt and my shoes matched,
and I was in “Successful Guy Saturday Casual” mode.
After a quick
trip to the post office and a stop at the bicycle shop, it was time to go to
Target. I needed several things, so I
got a cart.
I had checked
off toothpaste, light bulbs and a couple items from the automotive department
when I happened to see someone I knew at the end of the aisle. I had only met her once, but she was a
friend of my girlfriend’s. So I knew I
had better say “hello”. After all,
“making nice” with the girlfriend’s friends is always a plus.
She didn’t
appear to notice who I was, so as I reached where she was I tapped her
shoulder with the back of my hand and said (simply), “Hey!”. She turned and responded back with a
reciprocal “Hey!”, with a warm smile and that classic “eyebrow flash” that the
body-language books talk about.
“So it looks
like even superheroes like you and I still have to shop for normal, everyday
stuff at the Target, right?”, I said, noticing a few stray items in her
shopping cart.
“I suppose!”,
she acknowledged with a laugh.
I continued with
very typical small talk after that. As
the conversation continued, I started feeling something strange…if not
downright creepy.
My girlfriend’s
friend, if my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, was starting to behave in a
manner that I would ALMOST call…FLIRTATIOUS.
I was caught off guard. After all, if what I was seeing was really happening, it was COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. After all, not only was I dating this woman's friend…this woman was MARRIED!
So I maintained
that 18” distance that social mores dictate is proper, while continuing with
perfectly normal conversation. But soon, there was no denying the
body language. She was clearly enjoying
the interaction, and eventually made a comment or two that were unmistakably
forward.
At this point I
was going OUT OF MY WAY to not appear romantically interested in
return. Yet, I couldn’t help the
thoughts that were racing in my mind.
This woman was CLEARLY ATTRACTED to me.
On top of the impropriety of it all, I was struck by the IMPROBABILITY
of it all. This woman was 15 years my
junior and at least FIVE INCHES TALLER than me!
Now, let me
level-set here. My girlfriend at the
time was a beautiful woman, and her friend was likewise very attractive. So here we had a situation where a woman who
was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL, and indeed not one of the ones I would immediately
picture going after a guy like me, was UNQUESTIONABLY INTERESTED.
At that point I
realized that this conversation needed to end…and SOON, for obvious
reasons. To that effect I said, “Well,
time to get back to shopping. But I’ll
tell [my girlfriend’s name] you said ‘hello’.”
There was a
slight pause. Then a quizzical look
from the woman.
“Uh…who’s [my
girlfriend’s name]?”, she wondered.
I looked back
with an equally querulous expression.
“…Aren’t you Jennifer?”
“Um…nooooooo…my
name is Felicia.”
With my mind
racing in several different directions, I happened to look down and noticed
there was no ring on her left hand.
I spontaneously laughed, and explained to her what had just happened. The woman really was a dead ringer for who I thought she was.
She responded
with warm eyes and a feminine giggle.
“So that’s…IT...?”, she said with one raised eyebrow and a motion of the
hand to indicate continuation.
I politely ended
the conversation there anyway, of course, because I had a girlfriend, and
returned to shopping.
But I was
changed forever.
Why?
I had read time
and again about how over 90% of men have some fear of approaching women. Furthermore, I had read about how the single
most important factor in GETTING OVER that fear is to simply GO OUT AND MEET
WOMEN. The problem is that most of the
time we as guys can't get out of our own way when doing
so…assuming we get up the guts to even try.
So, in one brief
exercise—and by TOTAL ACCIDENT—I had unequivocally proven what it takes to
successfully meet women. Ironically,
the “success” was OVERWHELMINGLY due to the fact that I wasn't trying
to "pick this woman up".
So what’s going
on there?
Let’s outline
the key principles and components of that experience at the Target:
1) I had started the day making sure I
looked my best. I was READY for an
interaction with a woman…if not the woman at the Target.
2) I had NO HIDDEN AGENDA with this woman from a sexual perspective. There was nothing about my approach that caused her to put her guard up. I was just making normal conversation. As such, there was a comfortable atmosphere surrounding the whole thing.
3) Based on the fact that I believed I already knew this woman, I was 100% CONFIDENT that I wouldn’t be flatly rejected when I spoke to her. Think about it. If you behave as if you are sure that talking to someone will be met with a positive response, you will not be nervous or sketchy about it at all.
4) My “opener” with her was a simple “Hey!” with a light, backhanded whack on the shoulder. No fancy, contrived "lines".
5) This was not a bar or some other special
“pick up joint”. This was the TARGET!
Bear in mind
that this woman, although very beautiful, was not at all the type of woman I
would ever see myself approaching or see myself with. And consider that it took virtually no direct effort to impress
her.
What appeared to
“impress her” was the sincerity and confidence portrayed in simply wanting to
talk to her.
THAT’S IT.
There is no
doubt that this woman perceived my approach as being related to her being a
woman and me being a man. Although I was not even close to who the
“media” would match her up with, the combination of facility, confidence and a
low-pressure approach WORKED WONDERS.
Ladies, that kind of attitude is what you look forward to when it comes
to men approaching you, is it not?
Don’t shout me down for telling the truth!
After that day,
I made sure that my “accidental discovery” became firmly embedded into my
conscience. After that, talking to any
woman I want—anywhere—has been all about considering her someone I already
know, and affording her the simple respect that goes along with it. No woman has ever been a
“stranger”, ever since.
Guys: If you have any trepidation at all when it
comes to meeting a woman you find attractive, learn from this lesson and I
assure you your life will be radically transformed. You have the ability to meet any woman you choose to. Make it so.
Ladies: Here’s
to more guys learning what I learned that day.
I know you all are patiently waiting…
Be Good,
Scot McKay
[Part Two in this series will be hitting your inbox soon. Don’t miss it!]
X & Y
Communications is
dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you
can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.
It’s all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow
encompassing faith-based principles while being neither too shy nor too
judgmental to hit the important things head on. The stuff you’ve heard a million times isn’t rehashed around
here. Enjoy!
Please
also note that the information in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes
only and is not intended to constitute professional advice.
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